Stand out and watch

I loved with fanatic zeal
Single-minded and completely
Absorbed
Justifying it as an act of faith
Of purpose and cause
I drew from this love the nectar of existence
The very reason for my substinence
Till existence
Chose to distance
My love from me
Making me feel
Painfully abandoned
The blinding pain
Of severance
Not allowing me to perceive
To ackmowledge and receive
The love of mankind
The gentle balm of
Univeral compassion
That promised to engulf
To protect and preserve
Till I could move out of
The orbit of
Attachement
To stand out and watch

Lest I get to Him

Was looking for him for many ages
Through many paths, many stages
Many doors knocked
Worshipped my sages
Many rituals and rites performed
Many books and scriptures adorned
Was looking for him everywhere
In all my acts, in all my crazes
Till one day I reached his doorstep
Had glimpsed him earlier sometimes
Somewhere far away near the stars
And by the time I could go there
He was not near anywhere
But today finally I have reached his doorstep
Even the sign shows his name
Excited and joyous having reached my destination
Took in my hand to knock the chain
Was about to tap the door
When suddenly was overcome by a fear
What will happen
If the door opens and
And he comes near
What will I be left with to do
What will I left with to pursue
What goals and objectives will lead me now
What pre-occupation and passion will drive me now
If I get him
There won’t be any more
Any journey, any sojourn
No destination, nothing to earn
Trembling with fear
I released the chain, softly
Lest the knock makes him open the door
Took off my shoes to
Gently tip-toe down the stairs
Lest that the sound of my footsteps
Are heard
I ran with all my might
Away till I was out of sight
Never daring to look back
At what could have been the end of my fight

You will find me looking for his house everywhere
In different places – dark and fair
Though I know where it is
I still ask for his address
Though I know it full well
I still look for him, the place of his dwell
Far far away, sometime, somewhere
I glimpse his awesome presence -
And I am sure he would have left
Till I could manage to reach him there
So I continue to look for him everywhere
Except the place where he lives
I never ever go close to his dwelling
My pathways now designed
To keep me away from straying

Lest I get to Him.

Your illegitimate children

Realities of life
That you were running away from
Shook you up awake today
And made you open the doors
To let life in
Life - that was abandoned
Ages ago
Along with Shame
Guilt, Remorse and sorrow -
Your Illegitimate children
Who you believe
Do not have a right
To co-exist with your
Adopted child - Happiness
They have been hovering around you
Waiting at the door
Hoping innocently it would open one day
And you will let them in.

Today they are staring in your face
Right at your doorstep
Looking for their step sibling
Compassion
With a silent prayer to be let in
Knowing that they belong to you
You watch them from a distance
You have no option now
But to give them space and let them in
Worrying what will happen to your
Designer children - Joy and Peace
And to your dream adopted child
Happiness

Illegitimate children -
Never mind even if they belong to you
Are illegitimate after all
You see your distanced children
Closing up on you
Seeking ownership
Yearning to to be held by your
Essential other - Love
You allow them, accept them
Continue to watch them -
Growing, overwhelming, overbearing
Making you loose your identity
Making you believe
You are them
Your illegitimate other
Till love enters - lightening up the space around
In soft hues of gold and pink
Dispelling the gloom and doubt of identification
Bringing your awarness to your awareness
That you are not your emotions
Your feelings, your sense perceptions
You are not your dreams and imaginations
You are the space in which they appear
And you are the one who is aware
You ARE the awareness
The knowing
The Now.